a day of silence

this year, as I’m reading the last couple chapters of the book of john, it feels different. a sweet. reverent. holy. kind of different.

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as I sit in my bedroom, in the quiet on the second day, with a sweet little babe growing in my belly, i can’t get past two verses about mary.

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she was standing beside his cross. she watched it all happen. personally, i’ve never really thought about what it would have been like to be her. did she know? did she watch him grow up year by year and just know deep down what was to come? yes, I’ve thought of how painful that would have been for her to watch. her baby. but now that I’m growing my own... was she distraught? or did she just know? did she feel the need to somehow comfort her boy?

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then it says he looked down and saw her and saw john beside her. it says that when he saw them he said “mother, look john will be a son to you.” i imagine he looked at her with those beautifully kind eyes of his and comforted her in this way. using some of the last breaths in his body. what a tenderness for him to look down at his mama and think about her long journey back home and how she would need someone to be there and provide for her. what kind of a man does that in the midst of his death?

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he loved until the end. he comforted till the end. he thought of others until the end.

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i know this is a jumble of words... but I’m a wreck thinking about the man jesus and his mama and these are my thoughts on this day of silence.

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tomorrow won’t be so silent.

to the girl in her 20s

do not loose heart.

to the girl in your 20s. i see you. you’re waiting. patiently. or maybe not so patiently and that's okay too. but you’re waiting on something. a husband, community, a career, financial stability, a baby.

you’re in the season of life where everywhere you turn you see someone who has what you desperately long for and desire.

open instagram:

+ engagement + girl’s night + graduation + travel + baby announcement + repeat

you go through cycles of hope and then heartbreak. cycles of "maybe this is the moment." "maybe this is the person." "maybe this is the month." only to eventually to find out it’s not and the lump of disappointment sits in your chest like a cold brick.

all the while wondering if God actually said - if he actually promised that to you. if it will happen for you. wondering if that dream will become reality.

and people, with every best intention of giving you hope, put their stories on top of yours and say things like, “he’s in the waiting…” or "he did this for me so he will do it for you too," but the reality is that they are slapping a truth bandaid on top of your feelings by simply not caring enough to listen to your heart, know you for you and contend with you for something real.

and while yes. they are right. he is in the waiting. and if you choose to look for him, you WILL find him in the most beautiful way (sometimes more so in this season than the good seasons). you will find him in all of his goodness. fully god in the disappointments. fully god in the sadness. fully god in the waiting.

this, though, doesn’t always take away the lump in your throat when you see someone else have what you so desperately long for. the tears that come when you see that instagram story or facebook post. or that little voice in your head saying “why does everyone else get what they ask god for except me?”

hear me when i say:

do not give into the lie that god does not have that dream for you because he does.

he is faithful. even when we are faithless. the dream will come.

and i know it may be hard - the waiting.

but do not loose heart.

because you are seen and you’re not alone.

- your 20 something yr old friend who is waiting too

a different way

going against the norm to find healing

i needed help. yes, that’s okay to say. and to be honest, ever since i realized that, i’ve been on a search. a long one. a confusing one at times. but a search. to do things better. to do things differently.

i needed help calming my migraines, sharpening my fatigued mind, balancing my hormones (after coming off the hormonal birth control I’d been on for almost 10 years 🤯), soothing my skin, and i needed help refocusing on Jesus when i was struggling with #anxiety.

i've done it the way you are supposed to do it. i was on hormonal birth control for almost 10 years. i've taken the drugs that are actually habit forming to bring relief to debilitating migraines. and yet none of that ever actually touches the root issue. the root of what is causing all of the things i struggle with.

but how was i supposed to do that when almost everything we use in our daily lives contain harsh and toxic chemicals that not only feed all the things i am already struggling with and make them worse but in reality are causing lots of them. how do I do that on a budget? how do i actually love myself well and treat my body as the temple it is? is there another way?

i can’t say I have all the answers to this search that i’ve been on, but i can say that i’m making progress. i am learning to listen to what my body actually needs, treat it as the temple God made it to be and love it well. i am taking baby steps. baby steps toward more natural living. baby steps towards a toxic free holistic lifestyle. and i’m learning that baby steps are okay because at least i’m are making progress.

it is time to love myself well.

it is time to pursue wholeness. wellness. abundance.

it is time to take baby steps.

thank you #youngliving for making that easy.

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if getting healthy and learning to actually listen to your body and love it well interests you, let's be friends! i'd love to chat with you and help you in that process!

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