a day of silence

this year, as I’m reading the last couple chapters of the book of john, it feels different. a sweet. reverent. holy. kind of different.

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as I sit in my bedroom, in the quiet on the second day, with a sweet little babe growing in my belly, i can’t get past two verses about mary.

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she was standing beside his cross. she watched it all happen. personally, i’ve never really thought about what it would have been like to be her. did she know? did she watch him grow up year by year and just know deep down what was to come? yes, I’ve thought of how painful that would have been for her to watch. her baby. but now that I’m growing my own... was she distraught? or did she just know? did she feel the need to somehow comfort her boy?

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then it says he looked down and saw her and saw john beside her. it says that when he saw them he said “mother, look john will be a son to you.” i imagine he looked at her with those beautifully kind eyes of his and comforted her in this way. using some of the last breaths in his body. what a tenderness for him to look down at his mama and think about her long journey back home and how she would need someone to be there and provide for her. what kind of a man does that in the midst of his death?

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he loved until the end. he comforted till the end. he thought of others until the end.

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i know this is a jumble of words... but I’m a wreck thinking about the man jesus and his mama and these are my thoughts on this day of silence.

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tomorrow won’t be so silent.